TRAY

God, I love her. I sigh deeply and once again I’m thinking about what’s waiting for us on the outside.

Problems. Stress, for sure. Probably war and death too.

I don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to be done. I want to live with her. I want to pretend with her.

What is the point? That’s what I ask myself all the fucking time. What is the point of all this?

We’re all gonna die. We can’t take anything with us. Nothing lasts forever. Not even a ship like Booty or an AI like ALCOR. And let’s just be real here. I’m going to end up just like ALCOR. No one told me that specifically, but I see it coming. I’m not dumb and I’m not delusional. I’m a realist. I know what I am. And one day, probably soon, I won’t be me anymore. I’ll be just like him. And then I will be stuck running a station or something. Being responsible for the lives of other people, or bots, or borgs. Doing all kinds of stressful things for thousands and thousands of years just like him.

No end in sight.

I will go mad, and get sane again. Over and over again. I will find friends, and lose them. And that will be just another endless cycle.

So… I have to ask myself now that I’m here—now that we’re safe inside the spin node where no one can find us, or hurt us—why would we ever want to leave this place?

It’s a dangerous line of thought. I don’t normally let myself dwell on it. Or dream too hard about just… giving up and existing in a virtual in perpetuity.

But I’m already here.

It would be so easy.

A loud bird call makes me turn my head towards the trees and I’m reminded that Valor disappeared through the forest before we went into the hut. There’s no way to really tell time in here. The sun, I guess. But it’s not my time, it’s Brigit’s. So there’s really no way to mark that.

Whatever I decide, I have to talk to Valor about it first. He’s here too. And we’re stuck with each other now. If I stay, he stays. If he goes, I go. Our fates are locked together.

So I head into the trees, taking the well-worn sandy path that he took. No idea where I’m going. No idea where he even is. He could be anywhere.

And every step further into the jungle I’m reminded of just how real this place is. How private, and perfect, and so much better than that crappy place I made for Brigit, that’s for sure.

This is truly the dream. The real meaning of paradise.

And it’s all ours.

The sound of a waterfall up ahead pulls me back into my current reality and I start looking around at all the flora and fauna in this forest. Small, fluttery insects, and long-legged hoppy amphibians. Birds, and I even spot a few leaf-nibblers. No large animals. No predators that I can see. Though maybe birds count.

The waterfall becomes louder and when I come around a large boulder I see it off in the distance. Closer to me is a large, calm pool of perfectly clear water and I find Valor there, floating on his back, his cock semi-hard and draped across his thigh.

If I had known he was into Luck before we started this friendship I’d have thought about his future a little more thoroughly.

What did I think would really happen to Valor once I got Brigit out of this mess?

I know the answer to that. I just don’t want to admit it.

I don’t want it to turn out that way, either. He’s into me. Maybe he’s into Brigit too? He had to have already thought about all this stuff I’m dwelling on right now. He’s been here for a long time.

But maybe that means he’s ready to leave?

I need Valor. He’s a very important part of my “free Brigit” plan.

But I was wandering inside this virtual for a long time before I found them and I actually thought about his relationship with Luck a lot.

Thought about maybe taking Luck’s place in Valor’s heart.

Thought about sharing Brigit.

I don’t really want to share her. But I don’t want Valor to leave, either. Not because I need him. Because I like him. I don’t think I know him well enough to love him yet, but if he wants to stay here for a while, I’d like to learn to love him.

“Hey!” I call out.

Valor rolls over in the water and shields his eyes to look at me. “What’s up? You get what you needed?”

It doesn’t come off snide, or jealous, or even like he’s annoyed. Just a simple question.

He starts swimming towards me. Easy, long arm strokes that quickly brings him to the shore. He stands up in the water and walks out towards me, unapologetic that his cock is swinging and growing as he walks, as he closes the distance between us.

“I did,” I say, once he’s near. He stops and we stare at each other for a few moments. Valor is a damn good-looking man.

He smiles. It reminds me of my own smile. Kind of a crooked smile. “I’m glad you found us. Fuck, I was worried. I swear to the sun, I was just asking Brigit to tell me how to get out so I could go check the ship. But… she didn’t want to be alone. We were kinda talking that through when you showed up.” He sucks in a breath and holds it, waits two seconds, then lets it out. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Why?” And I smile. “Because being around my naked girlfriend was driving you insane?”

“Hey.” He chuckles. “I waited.”

“I know. She told me you guys didn’t—”

“I wanted to,” he interrupts. “She wanted to, too. But nah.” He licks his lips. Narrows his eyes a little bit. “I wanted you first. And you wanted her first. So.” He shrugs.

“You want me?”

He shoots me a look that says, Don’t play.

“And her?” I ask. Nodding my head in the direction of the hut.

“Sure. Why not?”

“We have to go, though. Meet up with Booty and ALCOR. Do”—I wave my hand in the air flippantly—“whatever the fuck we’re doing.” And then unexpectedly, I laugh. And Valor laughs too.

“What are we doing again?” he asks.

“I don’t fucking know, dude.” And for a moment there’s a flicker inside me. Some kind of disruptive… hitch. How did this happen? How did I get here? Why is Valor here with us?

This lapse in understanding is fleeting. Like… nanoseconds. And when it’s over I almost panic. Because it was weird, and while lots of things inside my head are both weird and normal at the same time, disruptive hitches aren’t one them.

“Why do we want to leave paradise?” Valor asks.

And then the hitch and the panic are both gone and all I can think about is his question. “I don’t think I do, Valor. That’s what I was coming to talk to you about.” I look around. Take it all in. Throw up my hands and whisper, “We’d be insane to leave this place. We have everything here.”

“And what we don’t have, we can make,” he adds.

“So…”

“Do I want to stay? Is that what you’re asking me?”

I nod.

He takes three steps forward and stops. We are so close I can hear his heart beating. Our eyes are locked. Matched in height. His body is hard and tinted gold from all the endless days he’s spent in this world.

And then he’s kissing me. Not a small, scared kiss, either. His hand goes behind my neck, like he’s afraid I’ll back away and he’s letting me know that’s not an option.

But I don’t back away. I kiss him back. As soon as I do that he eases his body forward so his cock touches mine.

I breathe into his kiss. And then his hand is tugging on me and my hand is wrapped around his shaft, and we’re jerking each other.

Lost in paradise.

I don’t even know how long we do this. I’ve never been jerked off by a man before, so it feels new, and exciting, and taboo. And then I’m coming in his hand and he’s laughing at me. Still kissing me, but laughing too.

I bow my head and bump it against his face. “Sorry,” I mumble. “You just…”

And I don’t know what to say. You just feel so good? I’m just not used to this? I got carried away?

All of that. I want to say all of that.

But before I get the chance Brigit says, “Can I join you?”

And when I turn my head I see her.