How to Survive the Apocalypse

BY: LUCAN

Let’s face it, 2012 is the year. We only have a matter of months before some ancient tribal calendar runs out or those people eating faces off in Florida spread some airborne viral mutation that will either make us all sick with the Stephen King Super Flu, or turn us into zombies straight out of a bad B-movie from the 80’s.

I’m trying to picture Junco with big hair-band hair. Wait. Isten with a mullet is far better!

Which is why, little people, you must be prepared. Now, most of the so-called “experts” on the apocalypse will tell you to have things on hand such as water, food, weapons, ammunition, gold, cigarettes, booze, and a strong leader.

Big whoop? Everyone knows that stuff. What you need is insider information, my not-friends. Insider information that comes directly from an insider.

Namely, me.

Regardless of what the “experts” think that ancient calendar says, only I know the truth because I’m the only one left who saw the whole thing go down in real time.

So let’s hear that again – I, Lucan, the Fallen Archer of the Band, am the only living survivor who bore witness to the birth of the apocalypse movement. After all, I was the one who caused the flood.

No, I cannot give details. I’m sorry, but if I told you, well, you know. I’d have to kill you.

So lean in and listen carefully…here’s my advice: READ MORE HERE

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